I know we’ve known eachother for a long time now, I mean we go WAY back.
But I think maybe we have become a little disconnected over the last few years.. was it something I said?
Was it those endless tubs of Ben & Jerrys I scoffed when I was seven months pregnant on that stupidly hot Saturday evening? that made you feel so full I literally felt like my baby was going to climb out of the womb by herself for fear of getting squashed!
Was it all of those “eating for two” moments I kidded myself were valid knowing full well that was a myth that I was absolutely using to my advantage to have two portions of dinner rather than one!
What can I say – I was pregnant!
Give me a break, I mean I promised to lose the weight when my little girl arrived didn’t I??
I don’t think you heard me properly – I PROMISED to lose the million stone I gained and made you carry around for nine months as soon as my gorgeous girl arrived.
I know you remember.. don’t you?
Its just, four years down the line, I feel like your still mad at me for all of those times I gorged.
Haven’t you noticed all of those endless, tasteless salads I have devoured when all I really desired was a huge special chow mein, egg fried rice and chilli salt chips (I have thought about this a lot)!
All of those days I could have caved in and grabbed a huge glass of prosecco after a ridiculously long day of mummying, working and being a general housemaid, but I combatted my craving with a nice, refreshing, thirst quenching water instead! Oh the will power!!!
All of those days smiling through gritted teeth at the countless fakeness of the other judgemental mums I have to endure every single day because I choose to work full time and instead of a bar of chocolate I have a “juicy” apple! I mean come on, you have got to help me out!
To add cookie to the crumble you have also adorned me with some boobs that now face south morning, noon and night – I mean if they were plants they would have croaked it long ago as there is no light where they’re heading!
And a uterus that literally behaves like a toddler in their terrible twos phase.
I mean the other day I did the smallest of sneezes and the largest of piddles blasted out like a dodgy tap that suddenly snaps off of its hinges! Is it really necessary?
Look body, what I am trying to say is whilst I appreciate carrying around another person for nine months is a hard enough job in itself, I am sorry for adding to that discomfort by basically being a human dustbin for 9 months too (maybe twelve)!
But I promise to be better now, I am doing my best to make it up to you. And, if you don’t make me pee unexpectedly for your own amusement for a whole week I might even join that gym I have been mentioning for three years!
I hope we can be friends now.
Lots of love, well, me 🙂 xxx